Minnesota Necessary

You can't say "Yes, please" until the third offer. It doesn't matter if your stomach started digesting itself half an hour ago and the smell of her fresh banana-nut bread has reached the furthest corners of the room; I'm sorry, you'll have to wait it out. Don't worry, it's not like that third offer won't come around in a minute here, but don't get ahead of yourself or your host. Be nice. This is Minnesota.

A few months ago I recall making a conscious decision to forgo Minnesota Nice. It wasn't an experiment, there was no trial period in mind after which careful analysis would be made and objective conclusions reached; it was just a resolution to be honest. It wasn't because I was upset with our system of excessive courtesy; I just figured that we both knew that the first two "no"s really meant "yes, but not until you ask me again". Really, I mean, when was the last time someone offered, then after the second "oh, I couldn't... are you sure?" changed their mind and said, "yeah, now that I think about it, you can't have what I just offered." I wasn't looking to be rude, just efficient.

So I had decided: "When Wayne, Tyler and I finish our gallybusters and Wayne offers to cover the tip, I'm not going to argue or jostle for position, I'm just going to let him do a generous thing. I'm still going to sincerely express my thanks for his kindness, but I'm going to skip the part where I say, 'No no no, Wayne. I've got it, let me.' Were I in Wayne's position, I'd rather just be allowed to leave the tip without a fuss. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't really want to."

This process of cutting out the superfluous and obligatory niceties worked fine with Wayne; we think alike, we know each other well enough to be confident that no offense will be taken because it's common knowledge that the other wouldn't, and won't in the future, hesitate to do the same. This whole cut-to-the-chase thing was looking promising.

I began accepting favors and compliments and beers simply by saying "yes" the first time, despite the fact that my habitual response required at least two more steps to get there. Consequently I began feeling freer to offer my own services, compliments, rations, etc., because I subconsciously assumed that others had repented of their Nice ways as well.

So in the spirit of cutting out the fluff and getting to the point, here it is: it turns out that this doesn't work at all. Not here. Before long I started viewing myself as rude, presumptuous, even self-righteous for accepting generosity without first saying, "Oh no, I couldn't possibly accept."

This accidental experiment brought me to a few conclusions:
A. Minnesota Nice is no myth.
B. It's not superfluous flattery. (Well, not always. Granted, sometimes I engage in a good old fashioned Midwest nice-off simply because I feel the need to come out on top of the heap when all the compliments are done piling up.) But really, for the most part when we say "Oh, no, I couldn't... Are you sure? I don't want to put you out... Well, alright, if you insist." we're saying the exact same thing as those who may drop the "yes, thank you" bomb in 3 quick words or less, our passive-aggressive language just requires more time to get there. We, whether by nature or nurture, go about all things indirectly.
C. I will be Minnesota Nice. Sometimes.