Thawing preserves from Labrador walks and Terrier runs, creating obstacle courses for melting streams of snow and strollers. Mutt Mitts are shockingly neglected in the months around the winter solstice. Probably secretly. And bitterly.
The earth squishes. As if it's given up its grudge, finally caved in on that thing it said it wouldn't do. Like the time Jennifer Zawislak did invite Karly Kaneski to the birthday party, even though the fight happened on the bus and there hadn't been much talking or notes or phone calls since. And like Jennifer, the ground is breathing is easier for it. Things seem to fizz and pop, as the juices exchange.
Alarm clocks seem too slow, as we lean into the sunshine instead and swap out dark stumbles to sinks and toilets for liftings of window panes and bypasses of wool ensembles.
The melt ensues and the Germans call it Fruehling.
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You're not giving us much to work with here Jordan. It's just too daggonnit good. Since I have to write something on this pillory Monday... here goes.
ReplyDeleteYou are ignoring some grammatical rules throughout this piece such as starting sentences with prepositions, run-on sentences, and fragments, but it appears as though you do it on purpose... and it works really well. OK, that didn't work. I ended up complimenting the thing I wanted to criticize.
Prose-poetry is an awesome genre for you. It suits your voice. I guess the one real challenge I can make to this piece is that your rule breaking isn't consistent, and in other places it seems unintentional. If you're going to break the rules it should seem like you did it on purpose. Rebuttal?
Garsh, you are so kind!
ReplyDeleteYes, I do do (I just wrote do do) those incorrect grammatical things on purpose. But I also agree it could be cleaned up - in fact, the whole thing could be developed a lot more. Feels kind of lazy.
I was just thinking about some writing classes I took in college and how we were made to tweak and tweak and have other people tweak our stuff until we had some fine, polished pieces. Perhaps this is a challenge we should grab on to. Maybe we can collect our tweaked things and make a little pocketbook of them at the year's end. yes?
Great minds certainly do think alike. I was planning on putting together an anthology of year one of the blog, but it would be even better to take it one step further and do as you suggest, that is tweaking and polishing. I wonder how it would work best?
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